Unveiling Adoption's Dark Realities: Saviorism and Adoptive Parents' Narcissism
Introduction: Adoption is a deeply intricate topic, one that delves into the realms of saviorism, narcissism, and the profound impact on adoptees' lives. In this episode of Adoptees Crossing Lines, the hosts—Lia, Dr. Noelle, and Tosha—engage in a thought-provoking discussion, shedding light on the not-so-feel-good aspects of adoption. They challenge the prevailing narratives surrounding adoption, exploring the notions of saviorism and the self-centeredness often exhibited by adoptive parents. Through their personal experiences and critical analysis, they invite us to reevaluate the adoption industry and its implications for the well-being of adoptees.
The Nature of Saviorism in Adoption: The conversation begins with the hosts sharing their own definitions of saviorism. Dr. Noelle describes it as a compulsion to center oneself, believing that the adopted child is entirely dependent on the adoptive parent's saving grace. Tosha adds that saviorism, fueled by self-centeredness, can be dangerous due to its inherent disregard for the needs of the individual being "saved." Lia further emphasizes that saviorism manifests as a facade of rescue, camouflaging the adoptive parents' self-serving motives and overshadowing the genuine needs of the adoptee.
Adoption as a Profitable Industry: The hosts delve into the commercial aspect of adoption, recognizing it as a thriving industry that profits from the continuation of adoptive placements rather than family reunification. They highlight the disproportionate representation of Black and brown children within the adoption system, which perpetuates the narrative of rescuing them from less desirable circumstances. Lia points out the troubling parallels between international adoption and colonialism, where a desire to adopt a child of a different race becomes intertwined with economic factors. Additionally, they question the emphasis on adoption as a business venture, ultimately centering the adoptive family rather than prioritizing the needs and well-being of the adoptee.
The Marginalization of Biological Families: The hosts challenge the prevailing narrative that frames biological parents as selflessly "giving up" their children for adoption. They discuss the coercive elements that often characterize adoption proceedings, highlighting the lack of information and resources provided to biological families. Lia questions why the focus remains on separating families instead of offering support systems and preserving family bonds. By scrutinizing the narrative of selflessness, the hosts reveal how adoptees are left grappling with feelings of being "less than" and their resulting struggles with self-worth.
Narcissism and Adoption: Dr. Noelle, as a transracial adoptee, shares her experiences of being framed as "saved" from a deficit-based portrayal of blackness within her adoptive family. This framing of adoptees as "rescued" from a supposedly undesirable background perpetuates a power dynamic and reinforces the adoptive parents' sense of superiority. Tosha adds that narcissism appears to be a recurring theme in adoption, questioning whether adoptive parents undergo thorough evaluations to assess their fitness for parenting. The hosts discuss how adopting to fulfill personal desires, such as saving a marriage or fulfilling societal expectations, can lead to adverse outcomes for the adoptee.
The Impact on Adoptees: The hosts candidly discuss the detrimental effects of saviorism and narcissism on adoptees' well-being. Lia and Tosha share personal anecdotes highlighting the struggles they faced due to their adoptive parents' self-centered perspectives. They emphasize that adoption is a traumatic experience, leaving adoptees with lasting feelings of low self-worth, identity crises, and self-esteem issues. The absence of mental health evaluations for prospective adoptive parents is criticized, as it fails to address underlying issues that may further contribute to adoptees' emotional challenges.
Conclusion: Adoptees Crossing Lines bravely tackles the less glamorous aspects of adoption, exposing the flaws within the adoption industry and the psychological implications for adoptees. By addressing the themes of saviorism and narcissism, the hosts challenge the prevailing narrative that centers adoptive parents and neglects the well-being of the adoptee. Through their personal stories and critical analysis, they advocate for a more informed, empathetic, and conscientious approach to adoption—one that prioritizes the needs and rights of adoptees and preserves family unity.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this blog post are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency or organization mentioned.